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“For this child I have prayed, and the Lord has granted the desires of my heart” – 1 Samuel 1:27 – a Bible passage that reflects my pregnancy journey since 2017. The past two years has been one heck of a rollercoaster ride; from going through a stillbirth in 2017 to this pregnancy journey that I am sharing with you. In early 2017, I announced that we were expecting our second child and we were excited to share the news after making it through the pregnancy “safe zone” i.e. the first trimester; we were elated and started counting down but unknown to us, that journey will be cut short at 20+ weeks (approximately 5 months into the pregnancy).
I vividly remember that somber Wednesday afternoon at the doctor’s office during our scheduled routine ultrasound. The ultrasound technician was attempting to find a heartbeat (a usual process), and there was this sudden silence and she excused herself to get the attending Doctor; immediately, my heart sank and I knew something wasn’t right but at the same time, I was not expecting anything terrible. After the doctor walked in, the technician further attempted to listen and find a heartbeat again and I could clearly see the concern on the doctor’s face. There was a pin drop silence in the room and you could practically hear everyone breathing except the only heartbeat were were anticipating. What happened next changed our lives forever; the doctor’s facial expression was doleful and the words from her mouth was haunting; “I’m so sorry, there’s no heartbeat”. I went blank and couldn’t alter a word, no tears…I was shocked and so was my husband! Few minutes or seconds later, I screamed “Noooooo! This is not happening”. At that moment, we knew our lives will change; they say that experiences changes you and this one certainly changed my outlook in life for good.
Phewwww! Typing this is still so hard. It feels like it was yesterday. The days, weeks and months after were the toughest moments of my life. I lost interest in so many things that I wanted or planned to do. I tried coping by engulfing myself in work and staying busy. I searched for answers on the internet, Babycenter sites and social media sites for women who have gone through a similar experience — I was in search of hope. Thanks to a wonderful partner, husband, family, and friends for being my rock. I couldn’t imagine going through this experience without my wonderful husband. We were each other’s rock. We encouraged each other, cried and prayed together. I am thankful to my amazing friends who called me every day, texted, visited and found ways to keep me distracted without asking for anything in return.
I feel the need to share my story in the hope that it will help someone else going through the same situation or anyone looking for someone as a symbol of hope because that was me at that moment. Fast forward to last year, you can imagine our joy when we found out that we were expecting again, which felt like the longest wait. This journey has been filled with excitement and tremendous anxiety of the unknown. Due to my anxiety from the prior pregnancy loss, I chose to keep this pregnancy private. It wasn’t easy because each day, milestone and doctor’s visit was filled with mixed emotions: excitement, nerve wrecks and anxiety pangs. Today, I can finally breath a sign of relieve knowing this journey ended with joy as I felt the heartbeat of my miracle baby on my chest. “For this child I have prayed, and the Lord has granted the desires of my heart” – 1 Samuel 1:27
I want to continue to connect with you through this avenue to share my story and journey. Stay tuned as there is more to come. If you are going through some type of child loss and need someone to talk to, please email me and direct message me on Instagram. I hope that by sharing my story, it will help someone out there just like others have helped me. I also welcome any question/s or anything you will like me to share. I will be doing Q&A video on my YouTube Channel. Please send me any questions and leave comments below.
CONGRATULATIONS ?????. THANK GOD FOR THIS TESTIMONY. YOUR JOY WILL BE COMPLETE IN JESUS NAME. WISHING YOU A HEALTHY PREGNANCY AND SAVE DELIVERY. GOD BLESS YOUR HOME. BEAUTIFUL AS ALWAYS ☺
Stella took a lot of bravery. I’m so happy for you and your family but sorry you had to go through this.
God bless your newborn and the rest of the family! I'm so happy about the update
Congratulations Stella and to you and your beautiful family. I am super pleased that God showed up and showed out for you. It is true that some life experiences change us and I agree because I haven't lost a child but I also went through a life altering phase with my family. The season is hard but the other side is beautiful and worth the wait. I pray this child brings you even more blessings and many more reasons to celebrate. Sending lots of love your way from a dedicated follower since 2010 ��
I can only imagine how the journey has been because I have friends and family members that has gone through this loss and it’s a terrible one. I personally haven’t experienced that but I have had extreme high risk pregnancies and went through the fear of not welcoming my baby so I’m so so happy you’ve welcomed your miracle baby and respect you so much for sharing and giving so many women hope and encouragement !!! Congratulations again Stella ������ Let the fun begin 🙂
Jadore, I've been following your blog since as far back as 2015/2016 and I never imagined any iota of pain or negative emotions behind your smile and charm. All I was was a woman fulfilling God's purpose, who inspires me so much. I'm glad you shared your story and that you've had a breakthrough. I'm really happy for you. I pray for you and the kids and all your heart desires. I love you so much!
I can completely relate.I mber seeing posts about you expecting another baby but when i checked after a while never saw the baby and thought maybe I was mixing up info.i went through similar stuff the same year and lost our baby boy too.it was hard for me too but trust me I praising God with you right now.i have a baby girl too.lets enjoy our babies and thank God for life.God bless..xoxo
I can only imagine what you went through, thank God it all resulted to joy at the end. God bless your family, and may God protect your baby and Nolan in Jesus name.
Wow what a journey. I'm so sorry for your loss. You managed to be so strong and kept posting for followers even though. I'm so happy and bless the Lord for making you a mom one more time. To Him be the Glory. Be blessed you and your family Zara Charisma
Many Congratulations to you and the family Stella.God be praised. You are looking beautiful as always.Lots of Love. XOXO
Congratulations to you and your family, you were indeed Strong. A good example for a modern day woman. Patiently waiting to meet our miracle baby (pictures of course) xx
Congratulation Stella! I rejoice with you and your family.
Congratulations on your bundle of joy Stella. Thanks for sharing your story. It is a very hard situation to pass through. It happened to me 2011 and my baby was full term but God is good he brought back my baby in 2014. Am so greatful to God because everything happened for a very good reason. May God bless you and your family. Enjoy your motherhood????
Congrats darling. God bless you and your family xx
Stella, I am so happy for you. I've been following you for a while, so yes I did see your announcement in 2017 and I did notice when you stopped posting pregnancy photos. Deep down I knew what had happened and it broke my heart everytime someone in the comments said things like 'Wait, aren't you supposed to be pregnant?!" I wish people had been a bit more sensitive. But I'm so glad to hear that your husband was by your side to help you through this, cry and pray with you. That's the way it should be. God bless you both, I wish you nothing but pure joy and happiness and all the love and blessings this new baby will bring to your beautiful family!
So happy for you….. thank you for sharing.
Congratulations! Thank you for sharing your story. God is good!
Bless you daughter of zion, my sister in Christ. My words to you is The Lord God is your strength and congrats once again.
God bless you and your family.Peace and Joy forever.
Bonjour Stella wow ! Très touché par votre témoignage. Je vous suis depuis un moment et j’ai plutôt pour habitude de laisser de commentaires sur votre page Facebook ( au nom: de Glamkyko Décorations Glam. Fermé momentanément pour y retourner dans les jours avenirs )” . C’est vrai que c’est pas facile de parler de ce genre d’histoire ou de le partager avec ” tout le monde . J’ai vécu plusieurs fois la même chose et à ce jour toujours pas d’enfants mais J’ai foi et j’y crois fermement en Dieu. En 2020 nous feterons nos 20 ans de mariage. Votre message me redonne le courage de ne pas abandonner.
Que Dieu continue de veiller sur vous et votre famille. Qu’il soit l’unique gardien. Mettez moi dans vos prières si possible merci beaucoup d’avance. Une grande admiratrice de vous depuis le sud de la France et qui est très nulle en Anglais mais je rêve de le parler couramment. ” j’utilise la traduction pour vous lire et comprendre. J’adore la mode tout comme vous , passionné de la Décoration, cuisine, peinture sur tableau et dessins sur papiers. ” je vous souhaite Beaucoup Beaucoup de Bonheur dans votre vie et celle de vos proches. Grosse Bises à vos Petits Anges d’enfants , à vous et votre Epoux. Demeurez bénis. ????
Thank You for sharing this. I lost one and have never been the same. I am 90% recovered after years of work on the loss but have to remind myself every day of all the goodness I do have and embrace the part of my life I’m in now. I remember those moments with the doctor, the same as you went through and since. I appreciate that you were brave enough to express this experience – it helps. I am so glad you were gifted with the amazing and beautiful kids you have ~ Blessings to You.